영어 잘 하는 익들아 이거 문법 맞는지 봐줘ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

Even if plastic surgery brought negative effects to our society, it is very important because it helps to bring back some people's life. I hope not so many people would under go unnecessary plastic surgery because of how other people would think about them. 

부탁해요

[익인1]

about them -> about it?
it이 성형수술 말하는거면!

[익인2]

그리고 두번째문장에서 would 빼는게 자연스러웅듯!

[글쓴이]

고마워~~

[글쓴이]

them 이 사람이야!

[익인3]

Even thoguh plastic surgery industry has brought negative effects to our society, it is very important as it is helpful to someone who really need it. I hope few people go through it which affected by others judgment of beauty.

[익인4]

에쎄이나 발표에 쓸자료라면 저렇게 쓰는게 좀 더 자연스러울거같아서 수정해봤어!

[글쓴이]

허어어엉ㄹ 짱이야ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 고마워!!!