외국어 영어 이상한부분 지적해줄사람!

Hello, let me introduce myself.

My name is (이름). I`m 20 years old.

I born in (고향) and lived, but now I live in Busan because my university located in Busan.

My hobbies are watching sports games and listening to music.

Have a good time. Thank you for reading my article.

[익인1]

I was born and lived in (지역)

[익인2]

I was born in 고향 and used to live there

Busan > Pusan
Located > locate or
My university is in Pusan

[익인3]

Hello let me introduce my self.
My name is ㅇ and I am twenty years old.
I was born in ㅇㅇ, but I am currently living in Busan due to my university location.
My hobbies are watching sports and listening to music.
Thank you for your time. Have a great day.

[익인4]

일단 글 쓸때는 숫자 보다는 그 숫자를 영어로 적는게 더 나아

대학교 얘기할때는 더 간단하고 심플하게 하기위해 조금 바꿨고

스포츠 얘기할때는 스포츠 게임 이라고 할필요 없어 그냥 스포츠 라고해도돼

마지막 읽어줘서 감사하다 할때는 그냥 시간내줘서 감사하다하는게 제일 깔끔해서 저리 바꿨어

이미 늦었다면 미안